Feeling Better Today

Things are better today, except for my electric bill of $198. Ugh.

I walked my aunt’s dog for 20 min this morning, and then used her stationary bike for 15 min while doing laundry. Then I met up with my workout buddy at L.A. Fitness. One of the trainers worked with us because he was bored, lol. He worked with us the other day too. He killed our legs. He likes to be “mean,” such as joking he should be eating a donut while making us do lunges. I’m so grateful that he worked with us though. I’m sure my legs will be sore tomorrow. It was a very quick leg workout, but it was tiring. Then my buddy and I walked on the treadmill for 20 min, biked for 20 min, and practiced making baskets for awhile on the basketball court. It’s easy to do all that stuff when there’s someone to talk to. Our gym is having a free throw contest tomorrow afternoon and we figured we might as well try to win the prizes. She played basketball in HS so she has a better chance. We are getting there an hour before to practice our shots. Lol.

Now I’m just sitting at home with nothing to do. I guess I can read and just play around online. I was up til 3 a.m. last night just playing around online. I hadn’t done that in a very long time. I talked to my best girl friend online last night and it made me miss Oklahoma. It does suck being away from friends. I don’t have many friends here. It’s hard to meet people when you’re very shy at first. I really like living here, but last night, I wanted to be back in Oklahoma so I could just hang out with people. My boyfriend is great, but he doesn’t like going anywhere. He just likes to hang out at home. I really miss times in which I would just drive around with someone after dark on country roads “looking for ghosts” and sometimes smoking a cigar or drinking an Icee. I had some great conversations doing that. Life feels boring right now. I know, I was just in Austin last weekend. But the people I was with didn’t enjoy going around and seeing new things. I love them, but they just don’t like that stuff. I guess I miss being around people who want to do things. My great friend at work loves doing stuff – she’s in India right now – but when she’s finally in town, she’s tired. She travels a lot for work and visiting her boyfriend in L.A.

I shouldn’t let myself feel like this. I guess I’m always afraid that I’m wasting my time, that I should be doing something exciting. But you can’t really do anything exciting when it’s tough to pay the bills. I had  a lot of fun at the gym though. At least it’s already paid for. I shouldn’t worry so much. My boyfriend says I need to be content with what I have and not always think, “but if I had this and this things would be better.”  It’s true. It’s just hard to always be content. He said you have to trick your brain. I don’t know what else I could be doing on a rainy Saturday with no money besides reading or watching stuff on Hulu. I guess it’s fine. At least I have the internet!

A Case of the Blues

My weekend in Austin was expensive and a little annoying. But I enjoyed the city.

I had a great time in the gym on Wednesday, but it’s so tough to get myself to the gym. My workout buddy isn’t going today, which makes it very hard to go. My diet has went extremely downhill lately. I miss going to Weight Watchers, but I can’t afford it right now. I’ve mostly been writing down what I eat and it’s all a bunch of crap. One reason why is because I eat when I’m bored. I also don’t like cooking because I have no patience, so I end up eating  a lot of processed food. I feel gross right now. I really need to drag myself to the gym.

I went to Social Media Club of Dallas last night. It’s for networking and learning more about using social media in your advertising and marketing plans. I enjoyed the speaker – Chris Brogan. The problem with these events is that I’m painfully shy sometimes. It’s hard for me to just go up to people and start talking. Talking online is easy. This is a whole different challenge. I felt so unhappy after the event for that and other reasons. I feel unhappy today too. My boyfriend said it seems like I’m never content, that I always want something more. Maybe. I hate feeling like this. I feel very displeased with my life and the direction of it. I don’t know what I should do. I mean, I am happy sometimes.  I always feel like I could be doing something different and maybe my life would be better because of it. But who knows? It was even hard to fall asleep last night because I felt so unhappy and unsure. I just want to be happy all the time. I don’t know how some people do it. I guess this post really gets at that quarter life crisis feeling. I definitely feel a lot of the what the hell am I doing with my life? I am happy with my job, my boyfriend, my apartment, and my cats. The last three are expensive though. My boyfriend had a good quote last night: “Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do.”

Maybe working out will make me feel better. I’ve had a bad cold this week, but when I worked out on Wednesday, I felt so much better.

I really don’t want to feel like this. I just want to feel content with life, and quit worrying that I’m missing out on opportunities. My biggest goal in life is to travel the world. It’s slowly happening and it’s expensive. Hopefully my job will send me to some new places as well.

Countries I have visited: Mexico

States I have visited: Oklahoma, Arkansas, Texas, California, Oregon, New York, Nevada, Missouri, Washington D.C. (not exactly a state but oh well) – I didn’t include states I’ve only driven through or that I visited when I was a kid.

This summer, I’m thinking Canada, and if I can’t afford that, then Boston. If I’m extremely broke, I will just visit my family in California. I have free plane tickets to use by August.

Strength Training, Nutrition, & Holiday Recap

Since my last post, I’ve managed to work out more. I had 2 free personal training sessions that were amazing. I was reminded of something I should have already known. You’re only supposed to work out 1 muscle group at a time and give it a few days to rest before working it out again. Now my workouts have been 30 minutes of weightlifting + 30 minutes of cardio. Sometimes I leave the cardio out though because I get bored during it. If I forget a magazine or my workout buddy isn’t with me, I don’t do cardio for more than 5 minutes. I’ve felt so much better now that I’ve been working out more. It’s amazing. I wish I could have a personal trainer because I run out of exercise ideas and don’t push myself hard enough. They are very expensive though.

I’m not sure where my weight is right now though because I haven’t been back to Weight Watchers. I can’t afford it anymore. I had got down 6 lbs before I left Weight Watchers. I’m still attempting to count my points though I don’t keep up with it as well. I was weighed at the doctor’s office two weeks ago, which showed I had lost 8 lbs. Last week I weighed myself at the gym, and it showed I was up 2 lbs. So who knows? I need to find out to determine if I can get those 3 new CDs I promised myself for losing 8 lbs! I really want to get the 15 lbs dropped so I can get a new phone. I’m now thinking a Blackberry.

I’m trying to concentrate on getting the right nutrients right now – the basics that Weight Watchers calls for – 5 fruits & veggies per day, 6 cups of any non-soda or non-alcoholic drinks, 2 servings dairy, 2 servings lean protein, and 2 servings oil. The toughest for me are lean protein and oil. I don’t eat a lot of meat, and I’m not always whether what I eat is considered “lean.” I just read that half an ounce of nuts equals one serving of lean protein. Luckily, we keep a lot of nuts in our office kitchen. The men eat them ALL the time. I finally had a few today because I was hungry and hoped to get in some protein. With oil – I have olive oil at home but I rarely use it because I rarely cook. I bought a Hungry Girl 200 under 200 cookbook in October, and have only made 1 recipe so far. I finally read through all the recipes last week and almost everything looks great! I really need to cook more to ensure I get the right nutrients.

It really isn’t all about weight loss – it’s also about living a long, healthy life. I watched Biggest Loser last night, and the mom who was kicked off used to be on 9 different medications. After losing weight, she’s down to 1 medication. That is AMAZING. I’m not on medications, but I don’t want to end up with health problems.

Oh, and the holidays seemed to go well as far as my weight loss journey. Thanksgiving was healthy with no overeating. I had 1 slice of pecan pie, and I haven’t had any since then. Shocking. I couldn’t visit my family for Xmas because there was a HUGE blizzard around them. I drove down to see them a few days later, and by doing that I was able to avoid most of the holiday food and snacks. My mom made no-bake cookies, and I devoured those, unfortunately. My dad decided to get married on New Year’s Eve while I was visiting. They were engaged, but decided to push it forward. It was a little odd, but I’m fine with it. I bought a cute new dress (1 size smaller than normal!), and partied with them that night. I drank a lot and had some unhealthy snacks that night, but at least it was just one night. Looking back at that kind of makes me think, oops… But I’m not in my hometown everyday. I also ate two meals at my favorite Mexican restaurant there. That is an overload of food. I eat chips, salsa, white queso, and fajitas. I avoided alcohol there though, and surprisingly, I was full a lot more quickly than I usually am at that restaurant.

I was extremely hungry on Monday and practically inhaled my sandwich at lunch. Oops. I had to wait later for lunch because I was in a meeting. Next time I will have to take a bowl of nuts in with me.

I’ve been away from Twitter for awhile because Tweetdeck quit working for me, but it started working again yesterday. Without it, Twitter is too much work. I love the simplicity of it and being able to easily interact with people.

I’m visiting Austin this weekend for the first time ever. Luckily, I’m much more interested in seeing museums and hiking than eating at a lot of new restaurants.  Any tips for things to do in Austin?

A Better Handle on This

I feel like I’m getting a better handle on this healthy lifestyle thing. I’ve started noticing bad foods more often. Well, I hate to call any food bad, because it’s ok to eat it in moderation. But I’ve started being able to say no to certain foods much more easily. I’ve always had a hard time with “dieting” and it’s been hard to think of the end result. But this time it’s easier to remember what I want, why I’m eating better, and forcing myself to exercise.

Don’t congratulate me yet on the exercise though. I haven’t done much yet. I joined LA Fitness on Monday. There goes a lot of money. I just hope I will use the gym since I spent so much money on it. That’s always good motivation. I get a free personal training session this evening. I’m excited, and a little scared that I will get my ass kicked.

I’m happy that I’m finally starting to get the hang of this. Not completely, but it’s a great start. I watched Biggest Loser last night with my aunt, and was eating some kettlecorn. It was tasty, but then I thought, “I really want those new CDs…” In yesterday’s blog, I decided to give myself rewards for certain amounts of weight loss. I definitely want some new CDs, but first I have to lose 2.6 more pounds. I’d better get to work on that so I can get the new CDs!

Thanksgiving won’t be too tough this year either. I will be at my aunt’s house and she is cooking healthier food than usual because she’s also trying to lose weight. After our meal, my boyfriend and I will be visiting his friend in Houston. I won’t eat much because I won’t be at home and because his friend is vegan. When I’m around people who eat healthy, I just eat healthier. Maybe I will actually lose weight this week, but I will still be happy if I just don’t gain any. After all, this is Thanksgiving weekend.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Rewards

I’ve noticed that some people give themselves rewards for weight loss, such as pedicures or new outfits. I guess I can put off buying myself some gifts until I’ve lost weight. I’ve lost 5.4 lbs in two months. It’s not the best, but I’m very happy to be getting there. I will first reward myself after I’ve lost 8 lbs. That will be 5% of my target, according to Weight Watchers.

8 lbs – 3 new CDs of my choice (1 will definitely be Mudvayne)

11.5 lbs – haircut

15 lbs – new cell phone (I’m thinking HTC Hero)

18.5 lbs – new exercise clothing

I will determine the rest later.

Do you reward yourself? If so, what are your rewards? It doesn’t have to be just for weight loss.

High School

High school was terrible. Many people have told me they would love to re-live their high school years. I would go crazy if I had to go through that again. If I knew what I knew now and went back, it wouldn’t be too bad.

I spent my weekend in my hometown in Oklahoma. I visited my dad, my grandma, and my best girl friend. It was great to see them, but being in that town makes me a bit sick. I dread running into someone I know, which is tough to avoid.

I had to take a few more boxes of my stuff that was still at Dad’s house. I got home last night, opened a box, and found a lot of old journals. I read through one of them from my junior year in high school. I was a HUGE idiot. I was completely obsessed with my boyfriend at that time. My life revolved around him. And he was a terrible boyfriend. He was insanely jealous, cheated on me, but then kept accusing me of cheating on him. I fought with my parents constantly over this guy. They wouldn’t let me see him. I lied constantly in hopes of being able to see him. I guess it was just the crazy teenager hormonal stuff. I’m not sure. I barely remember that part of my life. I don’t want to remember. I wrote in that journal about how depressed I was, how I wanted to die, how I couldn’t wait to be done with high school and be with my idiot boyfriend. Luckily, I realized he was an idiot before I graduated, but I still wasted a year and a half dating him. I spent that time constantly upset with my parents. One good thing about that time of my life? I lost a TON of weight. I enrolled in a weightlifting class and immediately lost around 30 lbs.

I sat on the couch with my boyfriend last night and was telling him how stupid I was in high school. It was weird to be reading that journal and suddenly be back in that part of my life where I was extremely upset, then look up and around my apartment. I’m grateful to be where I am now. High school doesn’t have to define you at all. I’m not that person anymore. I like a lot of the same music, but that’s it.

I have to wonder though – am I making bad decisions again in my life? How do I know? I’m not a teenager anymore, so hopefully I’m not too blinded right now. It’s easy to look back and see the mistakes, but how do I know about right now this very moment?

Going Home

This has been a busy week at work, and I am grateful for it. It helps the day go by quicker. I also love being given design work. It’s so much fun. I don’t get to do it as often anymore, so I get excited anytime I get it.

The other marketing girl in the office and I went to Social Media Club of Dallas last night. It was great. The speaker, @twalk, was great. We’ve been to several social media seminars lately and the speakers say what we already know. We joke about how we could teach it. It was great to finally be learning something from one of these. There was also a product demonstration from @nomee. nomee is kind of like Tweetdeck…but much, much better. It includes Facebook and many others that I don’t use yet. nomee just made everything much more organized. It was like playing with all your social networks from a desktop application without having to access each website. They will be coming out with an iPhone app soon as well. nomee also bought everyone a drink afterward so that was great.

I’ve ate much better this week than last week. By that, I mean I haven’t ate as much and it’s been healthier stuff. I’ve done this because…I’m going HOME this weekend to Oklahoma! Going home means eating a ton of Mexican food at my favorite Mexican restaurant. They have the BEST fajitas, queso, and salsa. I haven’t ate there since I started Weight Watchers. I don’t want to limit myself though because I don’t get to eat there often. I will listen more to my body though, so I will actually stop when I’m full. I can always eat the leftovers later. I’m also going to get a ton of their queso to bring back to Texas.

I could wait until next weekend to go home, but I’m just ready to be there. I will be spending Thanksgiving here at my aunt’s house. I can’t wait to see my best girlfriend and my grandma. It’s been two months since I’ve seen them. I will be driving through Norman on my way home and that means…pineapple green tea with bobas! My favorite tea place is Tea Cafe in Norman. I’ve tried three boba tea places here, and they have not been anywhere near as great as Tea Cafe. I’m in Dallas – shouldn’t I have found something better? I’m just glad I will be having one of their teas tonight. TONIGHT! Amazing.

This is dorky, but I want to see New Moon. I will probably end up going to see it alone after work sometime next week. I’m trying to set up plans to watch it with a friend in Norman before I go home on Sunday, but I don’t know if she wants to see me. We still text occasionally, but we had a lot of problems right before I moved. I feel like I don’t have a lot of friends right now. I have my best girlfriend in my hometown, but we don’t even talk that much anymore. We always have a great time together though and I can talk to her about anything. I’ve made a few girl friends here in Texas, but I don’t go out that often. My boyfriend is my best friend, but he’s not interested in bargain hunting or watching dorky movies with me. I can’t blame him – I don’t want to play video games with him.

I’m supposed to be getting a workout buddy on Monday. We met through sparkpeople.com, which is a great website for weight loss encouragement.

I’ve discovered Weight Watchers shakes, and they are amazing. I think they only sell the shakes at meetings though. But they are only 3 points, and extremely filling. I’ve been having them for breakfast this week. I don’t get hungry until noon with these, and I typically get hungry at 11.

Yes, my posts are random.

 

It all fits in together

I don’t want to be a niche blog – to be all about one topic. I’m not all about one thing, so why should my blog be? However, since the public is able to view this, I will not blog about every topic that comes to mind. I will mainly focus on how I feel like I’m having a quarter life crisis, and how everything in my life fits in to that feeling. The main topics I will likely cover along with that are my career in advertising & marketing, my struggles with being healthy, my obsession with traveling the world, and the funny stuff that gets me through the day.

I just graduated college in May. After that, I moved from Oklahoma to Texas for a summer internship, and then started a full time job directly afterward. I completed my goals of graduating and finding a job. I’m very happy about that and I feel very accomplished. But, now what? I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, and now that it’s here, I don’t know what to do with my life. I enjoy my job, my new town, my apartment, and my boyfriend. I enjoy finally having extra money to buy a few fun things.

But I feel a bit depressed now. I don’t know what to do now that I’ve accomplished my goals. Everyone says to just sit back and enjoy life now. But I feel weird. I feel useless when I spend a weekend doing nothing. It feels like there should be something that I am working towards. I do want to travel the world. That’s the only goal I really have. Another goal might be finally being healthy. I would like to eat healthier and be more active. I joined Weight Watchers six weeks ago to help with this. Until this week, it was going really well. I feel like I’m falling back into my ‘whatever’ ways about eating and exercising. And part of me doesn’t care because I’m in that ‘whatever’ state, while another part of me is upset with myself.

I get upset easily these days. Part of me feels like I’m wasting time right now (my life in general, not the blog). I want to be out seeing the world. But I should be happy that I have a job, an apartment, and a stable relationship. I am happy about it; I just want more. I always want more. Nothing seems to be enough for me. It’s always, well, my life would be better if I had this…

I need to move past that. I need to get through this quarter life crisis. I want to feel like there is something to look forward to in life. Hopefully this blog will help me with these things.